Hello My Prettys, and Welcome

I've decided to start a blog for the same reason most people do: because I'm quasi-unemployed and a touch narcissistic. (Coincidentally, these are traits that may also lead one to pursue a career in stand up comedy.) I say 'a touch' narcissistic, and not 'full blown' because I am not enamored with my own image. In fact, looking at pictures or videos of myself is about as enticing to me as an Easter basket full of chocolate malted mayonnaise balls. This is why I do not envy famous actors.

It's bad enough that I'm forced to face my voice and image every time I check my voicemail or get some godforsaken tagged facebook picture in my inbox. I cannot imagine being stuck in traffic next to my big old mug when it's been plastered on the side of the MTA.  

There is also the public harassment to consider. I'm not talking about the mutually beneficial shit show that is LiLo and her Electrical Parade of paparazzi flashbulbs. Even middle aged character actors can have a tough time leading a normal life. I was in Rite Aid yesterday, and Ben from Lost was behind me in  line. Just as he placed his Maalox and Windex on the register belt, the woman behind him assaulted him with a barrage of 'You're Ben from Lost! I love you, but I hate you!" Ben from Lost just nodded patiently, "I understand. I understand." Other customers in the store stopped what they were doing and were now staring at the debacle.

"I mean, I really just hate you, but you're so good! Ew! I hate you!" The stock boys emerged from the back to survey the scene.

  I high tailed it out of there. I may have been buying a wagon load of cold medicine, tea, and overpriced herbal tablets, but this woman was truly sick. After one's early childhood and/or hallucinogenic drug phase, there is no excuse for a healthy individual to mistake fiction for fact. Ben from Lost is just a guy who gets up in the morning, goes to work, and delivers some lines that have been written for him by a bunch of highly paid writers. There is no reason to love nor hate him, and there is certainly no reason to squawk at him in public like you've just spotted the car that's currently being announced on Amber Alert. He's just a person whose job requires him to use his image to create a series that is mysterious, melodramatic, and gratuitously frustrating. That said, I would happily take a bit part on Lost. Like I said, I'm quasi-unemployed and a touch narcissistic.